Day 1: Airport Adventures

1. People are helpful

I have the wrong tool. The allen key I have brought to the airport fits my bike pedals but is not the proper tool to remove them; I need a wrench. I briefly panic, but before I know it, half a dozen people are jumping in to help me. An airport maintenance guy finds a wrench that is the right size but too wide to get in where it needs to go. Sorry, he tells me, that’s the thinnest one we have — but he comes back twice more, each time with a thinner wrench.

The third one fits and the right pedal comes off easily, but the left one is stubborn. It eventually takes an extra tool attached for leverage and three different people pushing. I swear to God, eight different people were helping me at one time or another. Sometimes people are awesome.

IMG_0146

2. You need a box

I get my bike wrapped up and go to check in. Two different agents tell me they will only take bikes if they are in a box. Swallowing a second urge to panic, I tell them, that’s not true. You have to remove the pedals, turn the handlebars, wrap it, and pay $200. Check your website.

They do so. I’m good to go.

3. Out of my mind

Next stop is the oversize luggage room, where I drop off my now awkwardly wrapped bicycle. A TSA agent asks me where I’m going and I tell him Chile. “Alone?” he asks me. Yes, I tell him; my friends were coming with me but they had to bail.

“You’re out of your freaking mind,” he says.

“Yep,” I say cheerfully.

He gives me his contact info and says he wants to hear about what happens. He promises they will take good care of my bike.

As I walk to security, I’m pretty sure my grin is the widest and dopiest it has ever been in my life.

Up Next: Chile!

I’m finishing up the first draft of a new full-length play (currently titled “Forgotten Crimes”) and then heading to Chile for a six week bike trip on the Careterra Austral. By myself. Which is a little adventurous, even for me, but… I basically got tricked into it. Two friends of mine were going, friends who have done numerous bike treks before and absolutely know what they’re doing, and I was just tagging along. But then these friends had to bail, and by that point, I’d already bought the gear (new bike, ultra-light tent, etc), spent weeks training, and gotten super-stoked, so… I’m going.

I’ve got short pieces in two shows coming up in Minneapolis in December — the horror anthology Hennepin Avenue Nightmares and the live comedy podcast Big Fun Radio Funtime, and then I leave on January 5. (Burglars: I do have roommates, so don’t get excited). The plan is to return on February 12, so if you have a hard time getting in touch with me during that period, that is probably why.